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Jealous…of my kids

31 Aug

I’ll be the first to admit I have never, except for a brief period in my early-20s, been an athletic person.  Why is it, then, I find myself feeling pangs of jealousy toward my daughters and their activities?

As I write this evening, I am sitting on the sidelines of Court B at our YMCA watching 2nd and 3rd grade girls learn volleyball basics and my 5 year old turn cartwheels time and again.  I found my heart sinking…wishing I could play again myself. It has only been a couple of decades. And I was bad at it then.

I fully believe there’s a sort of psychosis that comes over a person who lives with chronic pain.  My body has strict limits and I am unable to do things I was once able to do. And although I often didn’t do…I could have if I wanted to.

Knowing I will be bedridden and miserable for days if I even try…that is what kills me inside. 

 
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Posted in Activities, Fibromyalgia, Kids

 

mom of the year I am not

29 Jun

Last week of the softball season, and I am a mixed basket of emotion about it. On one hand, I’m glad Lexi has only one more game to play. On the other, I’d like to play more.

Last night was an oddly-scheduled Monday night game; we usually play on Tuesday and Thursday.  Even so, it has been in my planner and on the calendar for weeks. 

We missed all but the last half of the last inning anyway. I got the time wrong. Not cool, Mom. Not cool at all.  

See, I’ve been obsesive all season long about double and triple checking to make sure we arrive on time. Last night, I screwed up. The game I had scheduled for 7:00 actually began at 6:00. Bummer! 

At least we showed up on the right field…and on the right night. Lexi did get a chance to bat. And she was totally cool about it otherwise.

Our last game is Thursday at 8:00. Will I be back to checking multiple schedules to ensure we don’t miss it? 

Did I really have to ask?

 
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Posted in Activities, Lexi, Parenting